Maybe s?, maybe no - that's what Freemantle says
xiv
There was something pulling me - maybe something
that had been in me since the accident, but surely
something that had come back from Duma Key Road
with meI'm not sure I could have
stood against it in any case, but I didn't even
try; I was curious
My daughter's purse was on the coffee table in the
living roomI opened it, took out her wallet, and
flipped through the pictures insideDoing this
made me feel a little like a cad, but only a
littleIt's not as if you're stealing anything, I
163
told myself, but of course there are many ways of
stealing, aren't there?
Here was the photo of Carson Jones she'd shown me
at the airport, but I didn't want thatI didn't
want him by himselfI wanted him with herI
wanted a picture of them as a coupleIt looked as if it had been taken at a
roadside stand; there were baskets of cucumbers
and corn behind themThey were smiling and http://www.ooluxury.com/categorys_103_Chanel-Necklaces_1.html" target="_blank young
and beautifulTheir arms were around each other,
and one of Carson Jones's palms appeared to be
resting on the swell of my daughter's blue jeansclad
assOh you crazy ChristianMy right arm was
still itching, a low, steady skin-crawl like
prickly heatI scratched at it, scratched through
it, and got my ribs instead for the ten thousandth
timeThis picture was also in a protective seethrough
envelopeI slid it out, glanced over my
shoulder - nervous as a burglar on his first job -
at the partially open door of the room where Ilse
was sleeping, then turned the picture over
I love you, Punkin!
"Smiley"
164
Could I trust a suitor who called my daughter
Punkin and signed himself Smiley? I didn't think
soIt might not be fair, but no - I didn't think
soNevertheless, I had found what I was looking
forI turned the picture over
again, closed my eyes, and pretended I was
touching their Kodachrome images with my http://www.ooluxury.com/category_27_Chanel-Watches_1.html" target="_blank right
handAlthough pretending wasn't what it felt like;
I suppose I don't have to tell you that by now
After some passage of time - I don't know exactly
how long - I returned the picture to its plastic
sleeve and submerged her wallet beneath the
tissues and cosmetics to approximately the same
depth at which I had found itThen I put her
purse back on the coffee table and went into my
bedroom to get Reba the Anger-Management DollI
limped upstairs to Little Pink with her clamped
between my stump and my sideI think I remember
saying "I'm going to make you into Monica Seles"
when I set Reba down in front of the window, but
it could as easily have been Monica Goldstein;
when it comes to memory, we all stack the deck
The gospel according to Wireman
165
I'm clearer than I want to be about most of what
happened on Duma, but that particular afternoon
seems very vague to meI know that I fell into a
frenzy of drawing, and that the http://www.ooluxury.com/categorys_89_Coco-Chanel-Jumbo-Flap-Bag_1.html" target="_blank maddening itch in
my nonexistent right arm disappeared completely
while I was working; I do not know but am almost
sure that the reddish haze which always hung over
my vision in those days, growing thicker when I
was tired, disappeared for awhile
I don't know how long I was in that stateI think
quite awhileLong enough so I was both exhausted
and famished when I was finished
I went back downstairs and gobbled lunchmeat by
the fridge's frosty glowI didn't want to make an
actual sandwich, because I didn't want Ilse to
know I'd felt well enough to eatLet her go on
thinking our problems had been caused by bad
mayonnaiseThat way we wouldn't have to spend
time hunting for other explanations
None of the other explanations I could think of
were rational
After eating half a package of sliced salami and
swilling a pint or so of sweet tea, I went into my
bedroom, lay down, and fell into a sodden sleep
Sometimes it seems to me that my http://www.ooluxury.com/search_0_0_0_neo_1.html" target="_blank clearest memories
of Duma Key are of orange evening skies that bleed
at the bottom and fade away at the top, green to
blackWhen I woke up that evening, another day
was going down in gloryI thudded into the big
main room on my crutch, stiff and wincing (the
first ten minutes were always the worst)The door
to Ilse's room was standing open and her bed was
empty
For a moment there was no answerThen she called
back from upstairs"Daddy? Holy crow, did you do
this? When did you do this?"
All thought of aches and pains left meI got up
to Little Pink as fast as I could, trying to
remember what I'd drawnWhatever it was, I hadn't
made any effort to put it out of sightSuppose it
was something really awful? Suppose I'd gotten the
bright idea of doing a crucifixion caricature,
with The Gospel Hummingbird riding the cross?
167
Ilse was standing in front of my easel, and I
couldn't see what was thereHer body was blocking
it http://www.ooluxury.com/scategory_25_Gucci-Watches.html" target="_blank ou